"She's quite mad you know."

Friday, September 7, 2012

Autumn Arachnids

September is my favorite month.  Of course, when I was a kid, I hated September because that was when school resumed, but weather wise--I've always enjoyed the cooler mornings with the daytime temps lingering in the 70's in New Jersey.  I enjoy October as well, with the lowering temps, the leaves changing colors of varying shades orange, yellow, red, and purples.  I love to see the autumn displays people have on their lawns with hay bales, scarecrows, and pumpkins.  What I dislike is when it gets too Halloweeny, especially with inflatible lawn ornaments.  I love Autumn, I'm not a big fan of Halloween. 

That's not to say I don't enjoy a good costume party, indeed I do.  And by good, I mean when people put a lot of thought behind their costumes, not just some cheap costume they picked up at a store that came out of a package for $29.99.  I love some of the pastry treats and decorations people make.  To me, Halloween is about imagination, more than the spookiness and masters of macabre. 

Aside from the vast commercialism behind the holiday, what bothers me most is the trick or treat aspect of the so-called holiday, the door to door begging for candy.  It's lost it's luster over the years.  The older kids are obnoxious and greedy.  It's simply not safe anymore.  It's burdensome.  There's either too many kids, not enough candy or not enough kids and leftover candy you have to eat.  So, of course, you have to buy stuff you like because when you buy stuff you like, there's none leftover.  If you buy stuff you don't like, no one comes to the door and you're stuck having to finish off a bunch of candy you dislike.  Or, there's crappy weather and Halloween is a total bust.  So many Halloweens were ruined by rain, snow or frigid temps, which is just the pits for girls dressed as Genies or Harem girls.  What good is Halloween if your costume is covered by a parka or you have so many layers of clothes on underneath the costume, you can't move?  There is just so much money wasted on decorations, candy and costumes--the holiday is really a gamble.  I think schools or communities or churches or families should hold Halloween parties that kids can attend and do away with the door to door thing, this way they are guaranteed a celebration.  By the way, I don't want Halloween crap turning up in the stores and on lawns in August or September so that by the time the occasion arrives, I'm so sick of it, I want to shoot inflatible lawn decorations.  (The same goes for Christmas too, but that's another beast for another blog).  Just parties where people and kids can go and not have to worry about that door to door business anymore.

Getting back to September, however, there is something about the smell of the morning air that still reminds me of walking to school or the bus stop, in my new clothes, with a slight chill in the air.  I wish I could enjoy a cup of morning coffee on my deck in the early September mornings to get that feeling again, however, this particular September, after a long hot season following a very mild winter, it seems to have upset the eco system in my yard just enough that the bugs are simply atrocious.  If the mosquitoes, gnats, no seeums, and flies aren't enough to drive me crazy, the spiders are and they are everywhere. 

The large Orb Weaver spiders are constantly at work in the evenings, crocheting several large webs connecting plants, trellis slats, deck chairs, the table and grill into what I think, if left undisturbed, would become one giant cocoon which would envelope a human being.  One morning, I awoke to find 5 webs spun.  Today, I awoke to find not just a giant web, but the spider and it's prey, a butterfly, glistening in the morning sunlight and dew.  I do not know what they do for the other months of the year, but without fail, spiders always seem to be in abundance and make themselves noticed in September and October more than any other time of the year.
My butterfly bush is alive with butterflies.  The songbirds are preparing for their journey south, the Goldfinches are beginning to lose their bright yellow colors.  My hibiscus have been blooming for weeks.  I vow to plant sunflowers for next year.  I begin taking inventory of plants that didn't do well that I will dig up and get rid of and decide on new plantings for next year, making a list for the fall planting only weeks away.  It is, indeed, September.

My husband is off for a week this month and we have no vacation plans, but I have a list of day trips I had planned to make for the Fall.  I look at the forecast and start picking garden and mansion tours to do.  I throw in a day to perhaps enjoy some migratory bird watching in Cape May.  He hopes to enjoy a few morning swims at the beach when the ocean at the Jersey Shore is at its warmest.  I set aside a day to maybe finish staining the deck. The thought of it makes me shudder.  Oh, what furry eight legged creatures will get in our way?  The sticky strands of webbing that get on me, making me flail about like a spaz and screech, fearing one of the hairy bulbous bastards are on my back where I can't see them.  Oh, those horrid creatures that are ruining my September! 

I remember walking to school as a kid, cutting through my backyard and down the driveway of our back neighbor.  Every morning, I would stare in amazement at the gigantic web that connected the big evergreen bush to Mrs. Condon's garage and it would glisten so magnificantly in the morning sun, the dew making it look as though it had been sewn with tiny diamonds.  Even 40 years later, I remember how fantastic that web was, although I don't ever recall ever seeing its artist, who was no doubt waiting patiently for its next meal.  The webs were easily 4-5 feet long by two feet or more wide, the largest webs I've ever seen.  Occasionally, it would disappear, only to reappear a day or so later, just like the ones on my deck.  How can such horrid creatures weave such beautiful works of art?

I don't like spiders, but they fascinate me so long as they are outside. I am often amused by the reactions of others who freak out over them, especially when they are grown men.  My 6'3" foot, 230 lb. stepson is terrified of spiders and once nearly plowed me over, running from one of the Orb Weavers which appeared in front of his face one evening on our deck.  Pushing me out of the way as he ran and screamed like a girl, I was impaled by the corner of our counter, bruising my rib as I laughed hysterically at his reaction.  Recently, my niece seriously threatened to unfriend me on Facebook if I posted anymore arachnids on my wall, saying she had to run to the bathroom nearly heaving from fear at the macro shot that appeared on the News Feed.  I don't mean to laugh, but . . . hahahahahaha.

Trick or treat. . . Happy early Halloween?
 




Thursday, August 30, 2012

Hosta La Vista, Baby!

I have quite a bit of Hosta in my yard because there's a good deal of shade to contend with in the back.  I've struggled with "shade loving plants" and hostas seem to come in a nice variety of colors and are relatively easy to grow.  My only problem with hostas is that occasionally, certain ones, would get holes in them.  I sprayed them with an insecticide, but that didn't seem to work as well as it did on other plants, so I deduced it was a different kind of insect.  Larger, too.

Then I learned the culprits were slugs.  I've never seen a single slug on them (apparently they are nocturnal), but researching the issue online revealed the problem.  There were several solutions, such as putting out dishes of beer, only to find drunken dead slugs swimming around in the dishes and that wasn't something I was willing to do.  I think slugs are really disgusting creatures, and I don't just mean the ones like my ex-husband.  Further, I had groundhogs, squirrels, feral cats, raccoons and opposums that occupied my property, I didn't want any of them getting loaded and rowdy at all hours of the night on warm beer.  And, I wasn't sure if wild animals drinking warm beer with a fat dead slug in the bottom of the dish was anything like humans drinking the tequila worm, but I wasn't willing to find out either.  Plus, the beer drinkers in my family were not willing to share their beer with the wildlife.

There was a solution, however, that would not cost me a dime and was so simple, I jumped for joy.  Well, that's an exaggeration, but I did clap.  What is it, you ask?  Coffee grinds.  There was never a shortage of those in my house!  So, for a week, I made a full pot of coffee and took the used grinds and scattered them around the base of the holey plants.  In fact, my filters are cone-shaped, so I would tear them along the seam and lay them flat around the base of the plant, which was hidden by the leaves, and wholly biodegradeable.  Apparently, slugs hate coffee, which is fine with me because I love coffee and have plenty of it!  Not only that, but the grinds are good for the soil (I also throw grinds, and filters, into the compost bin) and provide additional nutrients to the plants. 

Within a week, the slimey bastards seemed to disappear and my hostas began to grow and thrive.  So, several times a week, I throw my grinds into a container that I keep outside and towards the end of the week, I take the grinds and sprinkle them around the base of the hostas to maintain control.  It seems to be working and I seem to have gotten rid of another slug problem in my life.

Hosta la vista, baby!

What the Kale??

Kale---that curly leafy vegetable I would see in the produce section that always seemed to allude me.  It looked interesting, but I had no idea what to do with it.

And then I met the Zuppa Toscana at the Olive Garden, a yummy sausage and potato soup with kale that my husband and I love so much.  We decided to try to make it at home and our first attempt wasn't bad.  We had no recipe to follow, just went by our taste buds.  It wasn't the same, but it was good and it was close, but something was missing.  We weren't sure what to do with all the leftover kale we had, though, because a whole head was entirely too much for the soup.  Alas, it eventually went bad in the fridge and I tossed it into the compost before I could figure out how to use it.

Sometime later, I found a recipe that we tried and it was pretty close to the soup served at the chain restaurant.  Thus, when I would buy kale, my husband knew I was going to be making soup because quite honestly, I didn't know what else to do with it and any leftover kale always ended up in the compost bin.

That is, until my cousin told me about "kale chips."  Crunchy little pieces of kale, baked in the oven, sprinkled with salt.  Intriqued, I bought some kale and followed her simple instructions:  Preheat oven to 350 degrees, wash and dry the kale.  Spray cooking oil over a sheet of aluminum foil on a cookie sheet.  Cut or rip up pieces of the kale and lay them on the foil, lightly mist with cooking spray and sprinkle with salt.  I also sprinkled a little pepper over them as well.  I baked them for 10 minutes, 12 max.

Fresh out of the oven, they were crispy and delicious.  Some of the pieces with stems were a little more chewy, but tasty nonetheless (you can cut the leaves completely from the stem prior to baking if you prefer).  And healthy, oh so healthy!  And low calorie!  One whole bunch of kale is about 58 calories!  Half a kale is a sufficient snack tho, although a whole kale would be enough for two, but you'd have to do at least four trays for a whole head of kale.  This is a wonderful alternative to edamame (soybeans), another favorite snack.  Comparatively, a 1/2 cup of shelled soybeans are 120 calories.   Kale chips are a fantastic alternative to potato chips and I'm pretty sure kids would like them too, if you don't tell them how healthy they are for you.  I've heard some people sprinkle parmesan cheese over them as well, but if you're looking to keep it low cal, forego the cheese.  You won't regret it!

Now my compost bin will never benefit from kale again and, it's going to be alot harder to save some for some soup.  I may end up buying two heads. . . because after all, two heads are better than one!

Monday, January 16, 2012

Tomato Paste Waste?

Ever have a recipe that calls for 1-2 tablespoons of tomato paste and all you have is a small 6 ounce can in your cabinet and you end up throwing out the can with the remainder of unused paste in it?  Well, it might not cost very much to replace the can, but if I added up the costs for all the cans I've tossed for the 30 years that I've been cooking, I'm sure I could have bought a nice sweater intead.  And I never think to buy the tubes of paste, which are $3.49 for concentrated 4 oz. tube, whereas a 6 oz. can is .89.  I'm not a penny pincher, but after having lost my job of 25 years last year, I'm now at the point where I'm thinking twice about grocery shopping deals and collecting coupons.  It doesn't take a genius to figure out the deal is in the can, but only if you use the whole thing.

So, it dawned on me one day after preparing a stew and looking at the leftover can of paste I was about to waste that there had to be a way to preserve the leftover contents.  I decided to scoop out the paste in approximate tablespoon measurements and  put them into empty ice cube trays but I realized it would be even better to cut out little squares of plastic wrap first, plopping each tablespoon into the middle and then twisting each square closed and sitting them inside each empty pocket of the ice cube tray. I then put the tray in the freezer.  After an hour, I removed each of the tablespoons from the plastic wrap sachets and dumped them into a ziploc bag before returning them to the freezer, discarding the plastic squares.  I had approximately 8 tablespoons of frozen paste.  Next time I need 1-2 tablespoons, I can just plop what I need into the pot of whatever I'm making and that's' that.  I don't have to worry about opening another can and wasting most of it, nor do I have to pay the high cost for the tube.

Sunday, January 15, 2012

Circle of Life - In Memoriam 2011

After 25 years at the same job in a law firm, in April 2011, I was layed off after the firm, like so many other businesses, began to suffer in the floundering economy.  After the shock wore off, I began to see this as a good thing.  I would enjoy the summer off, perhaps explore other career choices, catch up on the long list of things I'd procrastinated on doing, and spend some time with my elderly mother who lived with us.  Financially, we could manage for awhile.  My husband seemed happy that I would be home.  I began to see this unfortunate situation as a good thing and before I knew it, it became a blessing in disguise.

I went on a few excursions before it got too hot out, taking photographs and enjoying the weather.  I bought some flowers and planted them in the garden and erected several birdfeeders around the property and deck where my mom and I were enjoying front row seats watching bluejays, cardinals and goldfinches flittering about the yard.  Many mornings we enjoyed coffee on the deck, taking it all in, relaxing and chatting about nothing in particular, laughing over silly things.  There were also times when we argued because she forgot to take her medicines or she skipped her medicines because she never told me she had run out or she would just do one of the countless things mothers do to make their children go insane.  Sometimes I would just grab my camera and spend the day out of the home so she wouldn't drive me batty.

Just days after Mother's Day, my mother became extremely ill and was rushed to the hospital where she was admitted in renal distress. My mother was not one to take prudent care of herself and I could never figure out why.  I had told my mother, since I was availabe, to make appointments so I could take her to the doctor and get checked for some of the complaints she'd been having, but for whatever reason, she didn't and then it reached crisis status.  The following five to six weeks became a nightmare as my mother had one procedure after another and struggled to get back on her feet and make crucial decisions as to her future care and prospects.  If I didn't sit with her all day, I took trips to and from the hospital 2 to 3 times a day to feed her and wait to meet with doctors, until she was moved to a rehabilitation center when I again took at least two trips a day caring for her.  I could see she was not getting better and was shutting down emotionally.  She kept telling me, "What will be will be.  I'm 82 years of age, how long am I supposed to live?"  She felt that her world was far behind her and that there was no place for her in this world which had become a constant complaint for her in recent years.  She could not keep up with the everchanging technology.  Hell, she still struggled with the television remote, sometimes picking it up and trying to dial out.  When she returned to the hospital again after a week in rehab, I knew that she would never be coming home again. She was resigned, accepting of things, done with suffering, tired of living. Several days later, she was moved to hospice where she died only hours later as I sat beside her bedside.  It was not the goodbye I had thought we would have.  The day before, while still in ICU, they started the morphine and made arrangements to move her to hospice where I thought she would be for a few days at least.  We sat together most of the day, watching HGTV, ooohing and ahhhing over lovely cottages in the French countryside.  When I went to leave for the night, she got a horrified look on her face and I laughed, assuring her I'd be back in the morning.  We said our love yous and I left.  The next morning, a nurse called to remind me to meet with a hospice worker to sign papers and they would move her to hospice.  I asked how she was and the nurse told me, "Unresponsive."  I knew then that my lightweight Mom was now permanently gaga from the morphine, and would not be coming back, would never see me again, would never tell me again that she loved me.  I was stunned.  They moved her to hospice later in the day (I will never understand what took so long) and by 11:30 p.m., on Father's Day, my mother died.

I found myself amazed, for the first time in my life, how my bad fortune had actually been a blessing in disguise.  Had I been working, I would not have spent the extra time with my mother before she became ill, nor would I have been available to sit bedside with her all those weeks, nor tend to her post mortem affairs.  Suddenly, I was faced with the ardous task of going through 82 years of her belongings and orchestrate the removal of junk, carpet removal, home repairs and renovations that came with her passing, as well as sorting through her personal correspondence, sentimental personalty and the like while dealing with, and being part of , my personal grieving.  While I have a brother, he resides out of state and would be of no assistance (or interest, it seemed).

The summer I thought I would be having never would happen.  Everything had changed.  After organizing and attending her memorial service where she was interred with my father in a niche at the Cathedral of St. John the Divine in NYC, I was faced with the enormous task of going through her things and distributing it, keeping it and/or trashing it.  This was not to be an easy chore as my mother was a potential hoarder and would have been for sure were it not for the fact that the home she lived in was owned by me and my husband and she had acquired quite a treasure trove of both good stuff and total crap during her 82 years, which we would try to encourage her to dispose of regularly, but her collection of stuff was a constant revolving door.

My mother was a hoarder of magazines and catalogs.  Her attempts to downsize would entail ripping out articles, recipes, or photographs of fashion or decor that she liked, and designating them to assigned bins.  Sometimes.  Sometimes they were mixed together in the wrong bins.  And all of these bins were sometimes mixed together with other things.  My mother was notorious for drafting letters to people and while finding these drafts, I had no idea if anyone ever received the final product.  Some of the writings were never even addressed to anyone in particular, so I had no idea to whom she intended to send the letter.  She would jot down things she'd read or heard that she thought was interesting or funny on scraps of paper.  She was notorious for writing down a recipe, but wouldn't title it or include the directions, just a list of ingredients and upon review, I couldn't tell if it was a stew, soup or casserole.  She loved fashion and had saved photographs of suits or outfits she liked, some of them dating back to the 1950s.  My mother loved Chanel and imitation thereof.  She loved epulets and frog closures.

My mother had an interesting, but somewhat tragic life.  After the age of 9, she and her sister, four years her senior, went to live with a childless aunt and uncle after her father had suffered another "nervous breakdown."  There was far more backstory to the event leading up to that shift in custody, but most of it my mother could never recall and her generation was not open about it and thus, our generation would never quite know the history.  When her oldest sister (14 years older) passed, my mother exclaimed, "I can't believe she's gone.  There's so much I wanted to ask her, but never did!"  I thought, "You spoke to her every week, how could you have never asked her??"  Her brother, who still lives, unfortunately has lost half his marbles and has only offered a "its rather complex" explanation as to the reasons behind the custody transfer.  The aunt and uncle were well off, however, and my mother lived a rather charmed life while in their care which was up to the day she married my father.

My mother, who was very creative and artistic, spent a great deal of her adolescent years drawing fashion and designs.  She longed to be a fashion designer, but instead chose to attend drama school after high school when her uncle said, "Fashion design?  You don't even know how to sew!"  While he certainly did not mean to crush her dreams, he failed to recognize her talents and instead, an avid admirer of film and Hollywood, she decided to attend drama school in New York.  Upon graduation, she performed in off off broadway productions, touring the East Coast with a theater group for a brief time before deciding it was not the lifestyle she had imagined for herself.  She decided to return home and marry her high school sweetheart, my father, in a beautiful wedding gown she personally designed.  It was a shame my mother never followed her artistic talents, however, as life for her would have been far different and I think she would have done very well as a designer.  She lived in a different world than the rest of us, the product of a her childhood experiences and the fantasy world she built around herself in order to cope with her pain and suffering.  Whether it was from the movies she adored or her training in the theater, my mother spoke with an affectation, sounding much like she was appearing in a black and white film, but in reality, her she lived in a blue and white world.  She loved all shades of blue and always decorated with blue and white designs.  My whole childhood was spent in a blue and white home, even when aqua was a popular color in the 70s.  Many of those household items she still had, tucked away if not on display.  Half of my current home, specifically, the living room and formal dining room, were decorated with her things in her palette and used primarily by her while the rest of us enjoyed the family room with its warmer tones of an autumn-like palette.  Needless to say, I was solely left to sort through all these things, from old playbills to Spode plates during the months following my mother's passing, a time that was beginning to feel like semi-retirement and not just unemployment.

Needless to say, with my mother's passing, our lives were changed.  We no longer needed the large home we owned, nor would we be able to afford it for long without my earnings, so our focus became to ready the home with the intent to list it for sale as soon as the flegling market showed a glimmer of improvement while I stayed at home working around the home with thre renovations and improvements.

Thus the summer of 2011 that I thought I was going to have was not meant to be.  Instead, it became a summer of mourning, a season of grief, but it also became clear that it was a period of change for me as I moved into the next stage of my life, a time of liberation, free from the demands of a stressful job, free from the burdens of caring for an elderly parent.  Our children were all adults, although two still lived at home, so I was free to rediscover who I was to become from this point on.  I was no longer a caretaker.  My mother was a handful in many ways and had lived with me for the past 15 years.  I was now free to move on and begin to plan out the rest of my own life, taking care of me and my husband, our home and planning a future where we hoped to eventually be alone for the first time in our married life. 

One of the first things I did after sorting and purging through much of my mother's belongings was rearrange our kitchen cabinets, discarding items we never used, many of which were gadgets she had purchased (and never used).  I looked at our dishes which were a mish mash of patterns and incomplete sets as a result of our integrated lives.  I decided to buy a set of dishes, reflective of me and my taste.  In all my adult years, I never owned my own dishes, none that I had ever picked out.  Every dish I owned was a hand me down, even the dishes my husband brought with him that he acquired between his first marriage and ours.  I purchased a set of glossy black pottery dishes which I could use every day or for a more formal dinner without having to use either of the second hand china patterns I had acquired second hand (one being inherited).  I love my new dishes.  Not just because they are versatile decoratively, but because they are mine.  I packed up the mismatched Corelle and whatever else was in the cabinets and set them aside for the boys should they ever move out on their own.

The holidays approached and I was torn about how to handle them without my mother.  I chose to do a casual Thanksgiving, but Christmas would be a more formal affair in her honor.  My mother loved Christmas and always decorated for the holiday.  My husband, a bit of a slob, would invariably spill and stain on every tablecloth we've ever used and I would argue with my mother that using a cloth tablecloth would only create more laundry and eventually, we stopped using one.  While I didn't put up a Christmas tree since my living room was still piled up for another Good Will pick up, I did decorate with a few splashes of Christmas cheer and brought out my mother's Swedish Yule Goat, about the size of a medium dog, made of straw.  I set the table with the inherited china and silverware (that took nearly two days to polish), and in my mother's honor, a beautiful red tablecloth (that my husband did, of course, spill on) with matching cloth napkins that I hugged with red reindeer napkin rings I'd bought.  She would have been proud of me.  I found her Swedish meatball recipe and made a batch as an appetizer.  The holiday turned out to be quite lovely, as was the following wkend when I used another cloth, breaking in the New Year with my new black dishes. 

With the holidays over, I am still in the purging and renovation process, beginning to emerge emotionally from my mourning period and embracing 2012 with a positive outlook, glad to see 2011 behind me and hoping that 2012 will allow me to have the Summer of Me I was expecting to have last year, maybe even better than the one I had anticipated.  And eventually, maybe I'll even return to the workforce.

But, there is no hurry.  My husband tells me to take my time, oversee the household projects and just relax.  He encourages me to take care of my own health (after a recent diagnosis of an autoimmune disease) and get my strength back.  If I accomplish nothing on any given day, he doesn't care.  I like that.  I could get used to this lifestyle.  In fact, I think I already am.  That's the kind of change I can appreciate.